what if..

This past fews days have been strange for me. It started when I saw a post at facebook. It made me sad. By then, I had made a decision. I would tell her immediately that I have been loving her and I hope that that feeling won't change everything. Just when I was calling her, her phone was ringing but the ringback tone suddenly changed into a "unattended or out of coverage area" message. I tried twice, but she didn't answer it. I posted last night on my account on what's the use of having everything you want and everything you need if you can't even be with the person you love. I changed some words on it, what was I supposed to put on there? What's the use of having everything you want and everything you need if you can't even communicate with the person you love. Yes, I would like to post that but it would seem a "patama" to her and I don't want her to be the center of attention of everybody because if I'd posted that, then many people might react and I would hate that, placing her infront of everybody. Then I remembered what my friend told me that she saw her at mcdo. DAMN! I was supposed to go there too! I was supposed to go there because of our project!darn..But I guess it it is best not to see what happened there because if I saw what happened, it will just break my heart..

As of now, yes I am confused if I would still go for her or not. It's the moment where I would say "MAHAL KITA AT ANG SAKIT SAKIT NA.."i'd like to go now,,but something is stops me..yes I really love her..It's like I'm reaching out to tell her that I love her but she's going away..going away because of something that I don't know but I'm hoping she doesn't have a boyfriend yet..I guess what makes me still love her is that I can talk to her but when I'm about to tell her that i love her,,she stops it and goes away..can you think of any reason why she's like that?help me so I can already make up my mind if I go for her or stop this feeling..

soundtrack of my summer..:))

This all happened when I was in a science camp. It was a cold night and there was a pageant going on at the roof deck of our campsite. It was the first time I saw her. She was dressed in a Filipiña dress made from Manila hemp designed by their senior. If you where there, you can tell that Maria Clara of Rizal's novel came to life. She was very beautiful, yet simple. She looked like an elegant Filipina of the Spanish Era. My friends told me her name. Well, I really didn't react on the name saying part, I haven't reacted at all. That time, she was a 2nd year high school student and I was a 3rd year high school student. After the numerous numbers they have made, she was announced as the winner, lambasting our very own candidate(we came from the same school, but she was under the other program and I was on the regular program). At that night, nothing happened.

A year passed on, we have seen each other. In that span of time I haven't felt anything. It was casual for me to see her every now and then in school programs and events, campings and recognition day(we were both honor students). At the camping, I would recognize her because she was our some kind of a speaker for a part of the obstacle course.

Another year passed. It's now a total of two years. 'm now a graduating student . We now chatted at our friendster accounts(i just made mine when i was in 4th year high school). We chatted on everything under sun. But still, neither an affection nor compassion was made by I towards her. At an instance, I even helped a schoolmate to court her in choosing the gift to give her on Christmas and her birthday. then we would pair her with her other classmate because they really look good together.

Now I have graduated, I felt sad in leaving my alma mater, a school that I have called home for 11 years. After a few days upon graduating, something bothered me. At first I didn't care about it, but it grew strong. One morning, I woke up and started thinking. Out of nowhere in my mind, she sprang. I kept thinking about her all day long. Night time came, I was surfing the net as what I am doing every vacation time. At plurk I saw her, I started talking to her. She was nice in talking to me despite of the fact that we were really not that close. Days grew into weeks and it turned into months, we continued chatting there. if there where some nights that we would not chat, I feel very disappointed and sad. The week for me to leave the country came. it was just a nine day vacation. But these nine days came to me as brutal since I won't talk to her. When I came back I again talked to her. By that time I realized that I must have fallen in love with her, starting from the day I woke up and started thinking about her. Since then, it was a daily habit to talk to her and if sometimes I won't be able, I was some kind of depressed. Because of those chattering we had, she was teased at school because of me, as one my friend told me(my friend is a classmate of her)

Now, many chances have been given to me to talk to her and tell her that I have been loving her. But this chances was blown away by my fear of rejection. As what one of my friends told me, it is a make or break situation for me. It is either she could accept it without changing her attitude towards me or she will find a way so that our paths won't cross.

As of now, I can now tell her about my feelings for her, I'm just waiting for the moment..

~that's my love story..xD